02-13-21
Dear Linnea –
Its been a few months since I have stopped and written to you. I have been so busy. I am glad I was because not talking to you is hard. It’s a bit easier when I am overwhelmed with work. But when the work is done, the dogs are asleep, I walk to your room and cry. I pray. I dream. I work hard every day so I can leave something behind for you when I am gone. I wish I could have a conversation with you. I want ot hear everything you have to say. It is so hard to not communicate with you. It’s so unnatural. There is nothing preventing me from contacting you. The court did not prevent anything. The court could not see to it to force you to do anything. I was not seeking that at all either. I was seeking time. Seeking communication. Seeking news about you. Nothing more. I miss your everything. There are so many thoughts and ideas and general life observations I want to share with you.
I hope as you get older you realize how much I love you. I hope you heal from all of this. Not having you in my life has been the most horrifying experience I could ever imagine. Watching you slowly go from holding my hand to not speaking to me is a tragedy I would not wish on anyone.